Honey, let's have a baby...
Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 08:19PM 
What would happen though if instead we said, "Honey, why don't we have a tantrum-throwing toddler?" Or a surly uncommunicative teenager? Or even more children, so our lives are so busy we become more like business partners than lovers? "Oh darling, that's always been my dream!" I don't think so.
We certainly weren't ready for the changes to our lives two children would bring. We wouldn't swap it for anything though. But the experiences of many couples I know makes me wonder if in childbirth classes, if not before (and not just in schools in low socio-economic areas) more should be done to prepare would-be parents for the realities and challenges of life with children. It might help to avert a lot of otherwise avoidable relationship breakdowns and allow people to better experience the thrilling utter joy of parenthood.
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Reader Comments (2)
Listening to the radio this past week I heard that in UK young people are being 'shown' by helping to care for a baby that it isn't all pink frills and blue baby blankets. There are so many events in a childs life, too many to mention here that can break a heart or make it soar, however I feel the idea behind this is to reduce the teenage pregnancy numbers - either way I feel it's a good thing for both baby and parent/s.
Steven and Rachael keep me informed of your children Kate.
Just popped over from a link on Rachy's blog.
Von (Steve's Mum)
Unfortunately, I think the blame for much of the stresses lies in the archaic, gendered labour market we must all struglle to fit into, some way or another. When my son Connor was born almost 14 years ago, I experienced profound grief, not to mention boredom, at having to put my academic career aside. I ws jealous of my then husband, as he got to go out to work each day. He , in turn, was jealous of me getting to stay home with the sweet baby and couldn't understand why I would complain.
Ten years later, with a new partner and a second baby, we both worked part-time. He was harassed and bullied in his supposedly 'progressive' workplace, for not being there for 'important' meetings and for showing a 'lack of committment.' I expressed breast milk twice a day in a toilet. I was told by my University, that 'no-one had ever needed to do it before', which was why they didn't provide proper facilities. When you're up against these kind of structural constraints I am amazed anyone stays together.
Anyway, as we are all too tired from looking after our wee ones at the moment to progress the revolution, I do think some acknowledgment of, and awareness raising around, these complex issues in birthing classes would be helpful. If people could be provided with some links they could refer back to, if and when they meet these challenges, it could be useful for them to remember 'oh, they mentioned that in birth classes.'
When I did my research into financial abuse in intimate partner relationships which, by the way, most commonly occurs after the birth of a first child, one of the recommendations was that brochures on the issue should go into hospitals and birth clases.